Sooo...
It has recently come to my attention that my middle son is a bit of a freak show. OK... maybe in the back of my mind I have always know, but the last couple of weeks have really driven the message home.
Let's start in Florida. We spent the day on the beach. The kids were all swimming (it was freaking cold, but the Canadian kids don't seem to mind) and searching for shells. The first time Matt put his head under he ended up with a mouthful, and the saltiness somehow surprised him. I thought for sure he had tasted sea water at some point in his life, but judging by his reaction, I must have thought wrong. He popped up out of the water hissing and spitting and wiping his tongue with his hands which accomplished nothing but introducing sand into the mix.
About an hour later, after a quick shopping stop at the Shell Shack, we returned home and I started rinsing the shells and ginormous sand dollars and laying them out to dry. I happened to look up and see Matt playing in the street with his ever present Light Sabre, but something looked odd. His cheeks were really bulgy.
Me- What's in your mouth, Matt?
Matt- Rocks.
Me- (head cocked to the side, eyebrows raised in confusion) Rocks?
Matt- (starting to spit out the 20 or so rocks in his mouth) It's my new cure for getting salt water out of your mouth.
I said nothing for a long while. It took a while to digest the "Matthew Logic".
Me- Where'd you get the rocks?
Matt- On the street.
Me- Where do people walk their dogs?
Matt- On the street.
Me- Where do the dogs pee?
And we're back to the hissing, spitting, and wiping tongue with hands.
Fast forward to this morning in Georgia.
I woke up to the lovely sound of a Seven Year Old's Hissy Fit. What a treat.
Me- Why are you screaming?
Abby- Matthew won't leave his curtains open and he knows I like to look at him in the morning. He knows it, Mama!
(she sleeps on the top bunks and their bunks have curtains across so they have some modicum of privacy, which is surprisingly tricky when there are three children sharing a room the size of my last closet.)
Me- Stop squealing! You will wake up the whole trailer park. (These people do not look like they would take kindly to that. Full body shudder.)
Abby- But Mama, I want to be able to see him!
Me- Matt, why won't you let her see you?
Matt- I just want some alone time!
Me- Why?(noticing the banana in his hand and finding this a bit...strange) What are you doing?
Matt- I'm just laying in bed holding this banana that I want to eat and reading my curtains.
Seriously. That was the start to my day. I would be hard pressed to think of how to respond to that at 2pm, let alone 7:15 am. It just raised so very many questions in my mind. (And also the urge to scream, but I refrained. I am afraid that if I start, I may never stop. That and the whole "scary neighbours with trees growing on the tops of their RV's" thing.)
I can almost always feel the worry/confusion wrinkle in between my eyebrows now, and more and more "sparkly" hairs show up in my part in between colours.
I blame my children. And my husband. I think they take after him.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Look Before You Leak
We arrived in Louisiana early this week. Let me tell you…it is like nowhere we have ever been! Driving here is an absolute treat! We had not been over the Texas/Louisiana border for 10 minutes before the third person cut me off. Have I mentioned how convenient it is to be cut off while your vehicles have a combined length of 56.5 feet? I haven’t? Hmm…maybe that’s because IT’S NOT! It is freaking scary! It takes a very long time to stop a vehicle that large! If you don’t already, leave a big space behind and in front of big vehicles! It is safer for everyone!
The day before we left Texas, we saw a sad and scary sight. About half a block in front of us, two vehicles somehow collided. There was smoke coming out of both of them and the people were seriously injured. We watched an air ambulance touch down and pick up the most seriously injured. The thing that frightened us the most is that Michael ran back into the camper to put some books away which slowed us down about 30 seconds. If he hadn’t, who knows, it could have been us. It really brings home a person’s own mortality when you watch a helicopter land in the middle of the street right in front of you. This is the third serious accident we have been behind in six months.
We are camped at a place called Poche Plantation right now, on the Mississippi River in between Baton Rouge and New Orleans. It is amazing. We have had the opportunity to visit several different plantations in the last couple of days. I am a huge fan of books like Gone With the Wind and all things Southern, so this is a huge thrill for me; a bit of a dream come true. I seriously thought I might pass out from excitement when we toured General Wade Hampton’s plantation called Houmas House! There were so many amazing things there, not the least of which was a Vampire Slaying kit. It really made me sad how frightened some people were of this. There are more churches in the area than I have ever seen, but superstition is still so rampant. The Creole accent is also very difficult to wrap my Canadian Ears around. It sounds to me like a mixture of the deep south drawl, and French Canadian. I find myself having to really think about what people have said or just plain ask them to repeat themselves.
The food here deserves a blog of its’ own. WOW! We found a little coffee shop that has the appropriate name of Coffee Shop. They said that they were serve Biegnets, (ben-yay) and since I had just been reading about them, we had to try them. Biegnets are a French Pastry made of rectangular pieces of donut type dough that they cook in oil right when you order them and then coat in Icing Sugar. I think that Jesus invented these. I know I have said this about Pumpkin Latte in the past, and in case anyone is wondering, yes, they would go well together. They also serve a truly amazing Café au Lait. I could have sad and drank coffee and devoured beignets all day long! When we arrived at this campsite, the owner told us about four times that we had to go to Hymel’s on Thursday night to eat and hear the live band. Off we went, and were we in for a treat. I kept seeing these advertisements for boiled shrimp or boiled crab or boiled crawfish and I thought “How boring!” How wrong I was. When we arrived, they told us that the special was boiled shrimp and that this was the first night of the year that they were serving crawfish. They laughed at us a bit when we asked what crawfish were but then they brought us some to sample and we realized that when they boil the seafood it is not just in water, but in a spicy seasoned broth. And again, we say WOW! Crawfish look like a tiny little lobster and taste a bit like chicken. Seriously. Well…maybe fishy chicken. They have a chicken texture with a fish flavour. By the end of the meal we were deliciously dirty and fully satisfied. My wonderful husband even discovered that he likes shrimp, after a lifetime of professing to hate it. I heaved a happy sigh.
For those of you that know me, you will remember that I have a bit of a bowel issue. For those that were not “privy” to that information, you now know a little more about me than you ever wanted to. The reason I mention this is just to let you know that although amusing, no one can really blame the next little story on me because I have a problem. Someday I will be brave enough to share the Macy’s story and then you will really understand, but for now let’s just stick with what happened in Wal Mart. The kids were all exhausted and we needed a few groceries so I said I would run in and Michael could fuel up and wait with the kids in the truck. Unfortunately, the meal that we had just eaten was high in garlic, and garlic makes my bowels very angry. I made it through the whole shopping trip fine until I got to the checkout. I then realized there was no way that I would make it out to the truck to drop off the groceries and get back into the bathroom without ….well…without issues. So, I called Michael and he came in to grab the groceries and I trotted off to the can. I noticed when I got into the stall that it was disgustingly nasty and did my best to hover over the seat like mom taught me while making a mental not to complain to the Customer Service Desk. After finishing up I went to wash my hands and saw that even the sinks were horribly dirty. I was trying to keep from touching anything unnecessarily when I noticed a strange thing. Wal Mart in Baton Rouge had urinals in the ladies room. Oh! Maybe not so much the ladies room. I quickly got out before person in the next stall finished up and decided not to mention anything to the Customer Service staff. Sadly, this is the third time since we got into the USA that I have entered a Wal Mart men’s room. Mom says I should look before I leak and my Dad says that at least it wasn’t another Macy’s incident. Some day I will be brave enough to share that story, but not today my friends, not today.
The day before we left Texas, we saw a sad and scary sight. About half a block in front of us, two vehicles somehow collided. There was smoke coming out of both of them and the people were seriously injured. We watched an air ambulance touch down and pick up the most seriously injured. The thing that frightened us the most is that Michael ran back into the camper to put some books away which slowed us down about 30 seconds. If he hadn’t, who knows, it could have been us. It really brings home a person’s own mortality when you watch a helicopter land in the middle of the street right in front of you. This is the third serious accident we have been behind in six months.
We are camped at a place called Poche Plantation right now, on the Mississippi River in between Baton Rouge and New Orleans. It is amazing. We have had the opportunity to visit several different plantations in the last couple of days. I am a huge fan of books like Gone With the Wind and all things Southern, so this is a huge thrill for me; a bit of a dream come true. I seriously thought I might pass out from excitement when we toured General Wade Hampton’s plantation called Houmas House! There were so many amazing things there, not the least of which was a Vampire Slaying kit. It really made me sad how frightened some people were of this. There are more churches in the area than I have ever seen, but superstition is still so rampant. The Creole accent is also very difficult to wrap my Canadian Ears around. It sounds to me like a mixture of the deep south drawl, and French Canadian. I find myself having to really think about what people have said or just plain ask them to repeat themselves.
The food here deserves a blog of its’ own. WOW! We found a little coffee shop that has the appropriate name of Coffee Shop. They said that they were serve Biegnets, (ben-yay) and since I had just been reading about them, we had to try them. Biegnets are a French Pastry made of rectangular pieces of donut type dough that they cook in oil right when you order them and then coat in Icing Sugar. I think that Jesus invented these. I know I have said this about Pumpkin Latte in the past, and in case anyone is wondering, yes, they would go well together. They also serve a truly amazing Café au Lait. I could have sad and drank coffee and devoured beignets all day long! When we arrived at this campsite, the owner told us about four times that we had to go to Hymel’s on Thursday night to eat and hear the live band. Off we went, and were we in for a treat. I kept seeing these advertisements for boiled shrimp or boiled crab or boiled crawfish and I thought “How boring!” How wrong I was. When we arrived, they told us that the special was boiled shrimp and that this was the first night of the year that they were serving crawfish. They laughed at us a bit when we asked what crawfish were but then they brought us some to sample and we realized that when they boil the seafood it is not just in water, but in a spicy seasoned broth. And again, we say WOW! Crawfish look like a tiny little lobster and taste a bit like chicken. Seriously. Well…maybe fishy chicken. They have a chicken texture with a fish flavour. By the end of the meal we were deliciously dirty and fully satisfied. My wonderful husband even discovered that he likes shrimp, after a lifetime of professing to hate it. I heaved a happy sigh.
For those of you that know me, you will remember that I have a bit of a bowel issue. For those that were not “privy” to that information, you now know a little more about me than you ever wanted to. The reason I mention this is just to let you know that although amusing, no one can really blame the next little story on me because I have a problem. Someday I will be brave enough to share the Macy’s story and then you will really understand, but for now let’s just stick with what happened in Wal Mart. The kids were all exhausted and we needed a few groceries so I said I would run in and Michael could fuel up and wait with the kids in the truck. Unfortunately, the meal that we had just eaten was high in garlic, and garlic makes my bowels very angry. I made it through the whole shopping trip fine until I got to the checkout. I then realized there was no way that I would make it out to the truck to drop off the groceries and get back into the bathroom without ….well…without issues. So, I called Michael and he came in to grab the groceries and I trotted off to the can. I noticed when I got into the stall that it was disgustingly nasty and did my best to hover over the seat like mom taught me while making a mental not to complain to the Customer Service Desk. After finishing up I went to wash my hands and saw that even the sinks were horribly dirty. I was trying to keep from touching anything unnecessarily when I noticed a strange thing. Wal Mart in Baton Rouge had urinals in the ladies room. Oh! Maybe not so much the ladies room. I quickly got out before person in the next stall finished up and decided not to mention anything to the Customer Service staff. Sadly, this is the third time since we got into the USA that I have entered a Wal Mart men’s room. Mom says I should look before I leak and my Dad says that at least it wasn’t another Macy’s incident. Some day I will be brave enough to share that story, but not today my friends, not today.
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