"I don't need an EMT, I need a SCREWDRIVER!"

While "living" in Tucson last week, we thought we should take a few days and check out some of their big tourist attractions. The first one that we hit was Colossal Caves. It is the biggest dry cave in America (I think) and the bats were on vacation for the cold winter months (ha-ha). We had a great time there and would totally go again.

We also went to the Tucson Children's Museum. Um...yeah. It was a children's museum. Eventually, rather than stab myself in the eye with a plastic vegetable in the shopping area, I went out to the truck, got my book, and spent the next hour curled up on a big cushy stool.

Michael took the kids to the Titan Missile Museum and the Pima Air and Space Museum. Both were huge hits with the kids and Michael both. I stayed home and gave myself a cut and colour, so yeah, I loved the day, too!

The icing on our Tucson Cake, however, was Old Tucson. We wanted to spend the whole day and get to see all of the shows there, so we got up early, packed our cooler lunch, and headed out. The first show that we saw was a gunfight. Little did we know, it introduced us to the actors that we would be following around all day. Those Old Tucson actors really work! We were suitably impressed by Billy the Kid' Shoot-Out and headed over to the hotel to watch the Can-Can Show.

Now, we have tried to raise our boys to not look at girls in a sexual way. We don't come out and say "Don't look at them in a sexual way, boys!" but for example, when Matt came home from the store at five years old telling us that he had seen the convenience store clerks boobies, we discouraged him from ever mentioning that again. Turns out, she was wearing a tank-top and Matt appreciates the female figure. Back to the topic...

We were sitting in the dimly lit room and this cute little actress came over and asked Matt what we were there for. That was the high point for him. After the other two performers joined her and they started bending over and shaking their ruffle bottomed bloomers around, my boys were done. I was thoroughly enjoying myself and turned to look at my darling male off-spring, only to find them both with their red cheeked faces pressed firmly to the table, looking anywhere but but at those fishnet clad, mile long legs. They spent the rest of the show waiting for us on the covered porch.

Michael, Abby and I stuck it out though. Near the end of the show, Miss Kitty said she needed a volunteer and I quickly volun-told my wonderful husband to dance with the pretty lady. Suffice it to say, my boys came by their blushing abilities honestly! He was SO cute!

The next event was the Medicine Show. We were quite early and were able to secure one of the three hay bails for our family to sit on. The kids were thrilled with our early arrival as they had lots of opportunity to interact with the actors. When the show started, they chose two people from the audience: one to bang a drum, and one to shake a tambourine. We thought they were already done choosing volunteers when the main actor said they needed someone to test the "medicine".

I heard a voice from behind say "This man has given me $10.00 to take..." and I started to laugh, seeing that he was right by Michael. I laughed until he finished his sentence "...his wife."

Anyone that knows me will realize that although highly embarrassing for me, Bipolar Betty tends to enjoy being on display. Things got a little crazy as things are prone to do, but in all, it was a good experience.

Then came the Antique Cars. I think almost every amusement park type thing has a ride like this. You get in your little car and drive it down a track. The kids really like this. On their second trip through the lineup, Michael and I decided to sit and enjoy the sun on one of the scattered benches.

As we were sitting there waiting for them to finish their ride, we heard Abby start to scream. I was quickly making my way through the maze that the cattle- I mean- kids line up in, when Andrew yelled to me that Abby's knee was stuck. The retired school teacher in line behind her tried to help and got slapped away for his troubles. I got to her and saw that she had wedged her knee in between two of the wooden slats in the fence.

I picked her up and tried to get her to straighten her leg so that the knee would pop out of the fence. No go. She did scream louder though. Yay! I, of course, then got the giggles. My kid was stuck in a fence, the ride attendants were busy doing their nails or something, we could not get the rails pulled apart and the screaming just kept on going. The school teacher looked at me all cracked up, winked, and said "Bit of a drama Queen, is she?"

Eventually, I pulled myself together enough to be able to yell at the attendants that my kid was stuck and she needed help. The girl looked like this was the moment she had been waiting for her entire life! She sprung to the phone and quickly explained the situation. Then she turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I've called an EMT! He's on his way!"

Are you kidding me? Now I am annoyed. "I don't need an EMT, I need a SCREWDRIVER!!!"

She claimed that she didn't have a one at which point Andrew, our oldest son, calmly pointed to the ceiling joist and said "Sure you do, right there!" (SO proud!)

It was the wrong type of screwdriver, but a middle aged passerby had heard me screeching like a fishmongers wife at the poor minimum wage worker and sauntered up, pulling his multi-use tool out of his belt pouch like John Wayne pulling his gun in one of the many movies he made in Old Tucson. You could almost here the good guy music playing. He flipped open his Allen wrench and made quick work of unscrewing the fence and releasing my panicked little girl, whose screams were still slow to abate.

We left right after this.

Matt, however, lost his wallet in the parking lot, so we were soon back to search. Someone took it though. I guess that Camo wallet with the Shamoo sticker and three bucks was too much of a prize for some poor soul to pass up.

My motto for visiting tourist attractions, or going to parties is "Always leave when you are having the most fun."

It didn't quite work out that was at Old Tucson, but still, a good time was had by all. OK... by most.

Did I mention that I forgot the buns when I packed our cooler lunch? Great day, huh!