Dumping Friends and Finally Passing Grade Five (at 32!)

Apparently, just talking about the Street Fair put me back in klutz mode! Andrea came out with her oh so cute girlies this morning bearing coffee and other essential gifts. (Thanks so much!) We made plans to go to the Street Fair on Saturday, which prompted me to show her my first ever Facebook album called “Klutz Goes to the Street Fair”, an informative photo documentary of me punching Abby in the face. (I won’t say anymore, because it is just way better to view it for yourself!)

We hung around the house for awhile trying in vain to figure out how to hang the bunk bed curtains in the camper and then I remembered that I was supposed to have Andrew’s school project at Red Wing by 9am. It was now 10:30, so we all piled in the truck and headed out. We thought we would do the good Mommy thing and let the kids play in the school playground for awhile before lunch.

I will now offer up some of my sage 32 year old wisdom.

***When trying to load one Mommy and a baby on one end of a teeter totter and a six year old and an almost three year old on the other end, communication between the Mommies is key. ****

It also makes sense to load the kiddie end of the apparatus first! Andrea had her leg looped over the teeter totter and I had my back to her while holding Hanna on the seat and trying to get Abby on as well. To me (or Olga, my bush woman alter ego who tends to come out when physical strength is required in any situation) it seemed like a good idea to push my end down to the ground and hold Andrea and Sadie up in the air while Abby climbed on. For some reason Andrea was unable to read my mind and she thought that she would try to keep her leg just hooked over while I got Abby on. So, Olga was pushing down with all of her strength and I hear from behind, “Tina, just wait!”

As I turned around I saw Andrea’s fancy dismount from the teeter totter and then her tumbling “ass over tea-kettle” with an impressive twist at the end so that Sadie landed on top and all Andrea hit was the aforementioned body part. Needless to say, I felt horrible! (Sorry again!)

Now I will use this blog to say the things that I am too chicken to say in person. Andrea, I am sorry, not only for dumping you on your hiney, but for everything that went on at that unmentionable place where we used to be slaves. Your friendship in the last year has been invaluable to me and has gotten me through a lot of tough times. Just in case you don’t realize, you mean a lot to me and I will miss you. This is the hardest part about moving; saying goodbye to good friends. I will miss you all (you know who you are) sooooo much, and for those that I am already separated from by the miles, I miss you too! Sniff. Now let us never speak of this again!

Back to Andrew’s school project now. If any of you out there are teachers, maybe you could explain this to me. He has had four dioramas to do this year. FOUR! And my question is WHY! You know that the kids aren’t doing them! Assigning this means that PARENTS are doing four dioramas. At least send us home a reading list at the beginning of the year so that we can read the stinking books and get our ideas together!

It never fails that Andrew comes home and says “Mom…I have a project due tomorrow and I was wondering if you could help me with it?” (READ: Mom’s gonna be up late cutting and gluing tonite, so better get out the coffee pot!) So far this year I have glued sand down to make a beach, constructed a forest, burned out the inside of a construction paper tree, and rocked an ocean and a stream. (I passed the buck to Michael last night with the castle and went to the movies instead! HeeHee!)

When I walked into Andrew’s classroom this morning I was truly impressed with what quality dioramas the over 30 set had come up with this time. There were some very impressive castles with windows and turrets. The one that really blew my skirt up was entirely constructed of rice krispy cake and candy! I guess that when I was a kid my parents were “helping” me with my projects too, so now when my kids do them it’s like I am finally truly passing grade five. My 1985 dioramas fulfilled Doug and Diane’s grade five requirements, and the 2008 ones now fulfill mine. In my estimation Andrew will get to pass grade five sometime around 2030. Tina logic!

By the way, shoeboxes will NOT be a part of the curriculum at “School of the Big Rolling Turd”. (Watch the movie RV and think of me if you don’t get that last part!)