Get Your Earrings Ready, Aunty!

We ventured out today and saw some amazing things!
-You can buy beer in WalMart. Weird. I really don't even have anything else to say about this. Oh wait...I always have something to say. I take my kids to WalMart. Everyone knows that WalMart is Tina's Happy Place. Beer does not make Tina happy. There were people pulling up to WalMart drinking beer. One can only assume that they needed refills and were just popping in for a pint or two. Again I say: wierd. In case you are confused by my confusion, in Canada you can only buy alcohol at liquor stores. Not WalMart, Safeway, or the Shell station on the corner.
-The Glass Bridge. I had a Tina Moment and thought that it would be a bridge made entirely of glass. I was mistaken. It is BETTER! WAY better! It is a pedestrian bridge over a freeway in Tacoma. It leads from the Washington Art Museum and History Museum across to the Glass Museum. On the bridge there are all kinds of Glass displays that are on loan from the museum. They are huge beautiful collections of art that have to be seen to be believed. If I know how to link to some pics I would. We plan to go back and see the Glass Museum so perhaps I can add photos after that. Or you could Google it.
-My daughter is gorgeous. She and I went to a Bridal Boutique where she tried on tons of flower girl dresses. I seriously had a tear or two. She got all shy and could barely even talk. The funny thing is that she was not shy because of other people being around; she was just awed by the beauty of the gowns and the awesome privilege of being able to wear one. She has decided to be a singer when she grows up, but informed me that it will not be all soft and gentle songs, but that she wants to sing Rock Star songs like Miley/Hanna. Get your earrings ready Aunty!
-Jesus Invented Pumpkin Spice Latte's. As I took my first sip Michael looked at me and said "You are singing it right now, aren't you?" Sure enough, the song "Heaven, I'm in Heaven" was floating through my mind. We discussed whether it was sacrilegious for me to say that they were invented by Jesus, but we decided that it was not and we have biblical proof in the form of the verse "Every good and perfect gift comes from you." I can not remember the verse address, but it really fits, and on today, a particularly lonely and gift needing day, it was indeed a perfect gift and I gave thanks!

A Goat Trail By Any Other Name

Today marks the beginning of our trip into "THE GREAT UNKNOWN". I am going to speak here like I actually have a following that does not already know everything that there is to know about me. (I love and miss you all by the way!)
My family is on a one year vacation. We are homeschooling and doing all the touristy things. We are having a blast...most days. Today was monumental! We have been on the road for almost three months now and have covered three provinces, but today we crossed The Big Border. That's right...we have crossed to the other side. We are now temporarily residing in the USA. The monumental part is that while we were doing lots of new and exciting things, they were all in places that we had been before. This is the first destination that we have never ever been to! It is so exciting. (and scary.)
We are in a little (and by little I mean huge in Saskatchewan terms but not so much here) city that is called Puyallup. As far as I can tell, it is pronounced similarly to tulip if you were giving tulip a really long "u" sound.
How is it that one can travel for under an hour and get out of one's vehicle and realize that one is now the one that has the accent and not the charming American that is at the checkout behind one. (I know the one's don't all work but once I had started I couldn't stop. That is the trouble with one....it never ends up being just one.) We crossed the border at the Peace Arch near Blaine, WA. I am not sure, but I think that the abbreviation for Washington is WA. In Tina Land it is anyway. (So there.) We had to wait eighty minutes to cross. By the time we got to the actual crossing, I had worked myself up into a state. Surprising, I know. I was picturing a meany crossing guard pointing us over to the side of the road, a team of snarling, drooling Dobermans holding us at bay, and a lady crossing guard with a bad set of hi lites and a too tight uniform doing the cavity search while the crossing guards in training spread all of our earthly belongings through the ditch on the side of the road. It didn't quite happen that way. We had a really nice Guard who told a little story about a guy with a really big RV having to unpack his luggage carrier to get it through the underpass dealy, watched a bit of the kids movie and sent us on our way. He was very interested in if we were bringing garlic across the border though. I had some packed in EVOO, but that stuff was OK. Apparently, garlic is only lethal to Washingtonians in its natural state. We have since hung our entire campsite with bunches of the stuff and plastered mirrors on every empty surface. The large crosses and wooden stakes go without saying. (or at least they would have if I had not mentioned them.) Seriously though...why is garlic a problem to bring across the border? I am so confused. Fortunately, this is not uncharted territory for me. I have been confused before and will be again. Life goes on.
After our non-eventful crossing we went to Jack in the Box for the first time ever. We needed drinks after our long wait in the border line-up. Just to let you know, a medium pop on this side of the border is WAY bigger than it is back home. Having said this, you will quickly see the problem presented by Abigail about an hour later while I was navigating fifty six feet of vehicle down the I5 in the middle of Seatle. Although we tried to convince her, the Jack in the Box cup was apparently a one way street as far as her liquids were concerned and she would not send them back from whence they came. After we got out of the downtownish area I illegally pulled over (what is with all the no parking on the side of the road signs anyway?) and we hustled back into the trailer to pee. It was TERRIFYING! The semi's rock that trailer like it's nobodies business! She had to go into her bedroom and change her pants and I was praying the whole time that the trailer would not flip over. Even Andrew was scared and he was still in the truck. (Abby almost was not the only one who needed dry pants!) Matt pee'd in the bushes on the side of the road, but since Michael was sporting a bright orange T-shirt, he elected to use the camper as well. I know I already said this, but let me reiterate: TERRIFYING! Keep in mind that this is coming from some very seasoned ditch pee-ers. This was like no pee ever taken before. Once we had regained our seats it took about 5 minutes of signalling before I was able to make a break for the driving lane. People really do not like to let others merge here. Eventually I just peeled off of the shoulder and into traffic with the attitude that of "I am bigger than you so MOVE!"and Michael and I hi-fived on my driving prowess. All that would soon change.
For Christmas last year, my Dad gave us a Magellan GPS system. We have nicknamed her "Maggie" and we love her dearly. Maggie, Sylvie (our 2002 Silverado) and the five of us make a good little team. Sometimes however, Maggie is an idiot. Today she thought it would be fun to take us down a goat trail. It was a goat trail cleverly disguised as a bridge, but a goat trail by any other name would still be too narrow! I actually had to roll down my window and fold in the mirror on my side so that the UPS truck could get past us and at the same time I was trying to get my hind end onto the bridge. I ended up having about an inch between the camper and the guard rail. It took up about forty five minutes to make the trip that the ever so kind lady at the desk of our campsite drawled "You coulda just stayed on the I5 and you woulda been here in five minutes! You never can trust the GPS systems or the mapquest."
Bad Maggie. Bad bad bad Maggie!
On a high note, fuel is REALLY cheap here! We have been spending between $110 and $120 to fill up. Tonight the fuel was $3.97 per gallon where we fuelled up and it only cost $87! We were sucking fumes and filled up all the way too! We had a little IKEA moment and screamed "START THE CAR! START THE CAR!" Sylvie was not offended at being called a car; she was just happy to be fed. We were a little sad when we got up the road a bit and found Diesel for $3.63 at Safeway though. Sigh.
I have spent way too much time blogging tonight and will surely be grouchy for school in the morning, so now it is time to say goodnight. Keep in touch. Gypsies get lonely!
Good night, Gracie.

Pretty Can't Hide Sketchy

Don't judge a book by its cover. Pretty is as pretty does. So quiet you could hear a pin drop. Crystal chandeliers don't hide the fact that it is a McDonald's in Scaryville. I think that last sentence will soon become a cliche as well used as the first three. Well...it would if everyone were eating at the McDonald's downtown Victoria on the corner of Douglas and View anyway.
The alarm went off this morning and I stretched, rolled over and cried myself back to sleep at the thought of facing another day of this:
-Eat your breakfast! You can't have school on an empty stomach!
-Stop laying on the floor and pick up your pajama's.
-You know this is a classroom now, so get it cleaned up!
-No, you cannot bring three stuffies to school with you!
-Swallow! Swallow now! If you puke up that pill again....
-Quit looking at yourself in the window!
-No it is not recess!
After several minutes of rocking and moaning, we decided to be naughty and skip school today. I feel good about that decision.
We set out en famile to downtown Victoria, that quaint hubbub of history, buskers, and the like. We went there yesterday as well but when we got to the museum they said they were closing in an hour and we decided to go to the Wax Museum and save the Royal British Columbia Museum for another day. Today was that day! (Have to mention that the wax museum is CREEPY and I wish I had followed my gut and went shopping or sat with the buskers and pretended to have a talent instead of going there!)
We LOVE the RBCM! I am not a huge fan of museums. My moto is if you've seen some old crap you've seen it all. Not so at these digs though! WOW! There is a place there that if you stand in the middle it sounds like you are speaking into a microphone but the people close to you can't hear you! Also, you can hear a whisper from across the room! Now this got me to thinking, if I can hear Michael whispering that clearly from here, I wonder if we could hear a pin drop? I was fresh out of pins, so I of course took the next logical step. I removed my diamond stud that my Dad gave me from my earlobe, gathered the fam around and dropped the earring on the floor. Museums are dark. Have you ever noticed that? Not only did we not hear the earring drop, we lost the aforementioned earring. So there we were, among the deer and grizzly bears crawling around using our cell phones as flashlights looking for my earring! Fear not, it was eventually found, but that museum carpet really does hide everything and if you have toddlers you might want to look into putting it in wall to wall!
After exploring for what seemed like moments and was in fact 3.5 hours, we decided to go for a snack. The museum shop was hideously expensive so we hit the streets. Yesterday Abby, Matt and I walked past a neat little shop called Roger's Chocolates where they have a retro soda bar complete with servers with the little hats and a twirly straw dispenser so I thought we should go there. I soon thought differently when we popped in and saw that it would cost $40 for the 5 of us to have a milkshake.
Now, on our first day in Victoria we did some driving around. On our travels we saw the fanciest McChoke and Puke's we have ever seen. There is a 12 foot chandelier in the lobby (that's right...LOBBY!) There are several more crystal chandeliers throughout the restaurant. So when the parental veto of the soda shoppe came down it was followed by cries of "Fancy McDonald's! Fancy McDonald's!" and off we went! We decided to walk down Douglas for a change of scenery. We got one! There were all sorts of weird costumes including one girl whom I can only assume was going for a Christmas Village Staff interview as she was wearing a white fur lined red cape and red and white striped thigh high stockings with her ankle boots. We smelled the smells including lovely restaurants and some odd sweet smoke. At the sight of the odd sweet smoke we overheard the man with his cap in hand putting his order in for some weed in about half an hour once he had enough money. That reinforced our decision to never give out money, only meals. We hiked for what seemed like miles to finally get to "Fancy McDonald's". Once we arrived, the tables were filthy, the fries were cold, the nuggets were cold, the waiters were rude, and there were pickles stuck to the fancy art they had hung on the walls. Groups of what our Saskatchewan trained eyes immediately picked out as gangs inundated the space without ordering and got very loud. They were not speaking English so I have nothing to report, but it did sound menacing. They were asked to leave. We huddled in our little corner not wanting to let our eyes wander or any unclothed portion of our body touch any surfaces. When we felt somewhat safe enough to leave we huddled into a pack and shuffled to the back of the restaurant to relieve our nervous bladders and Abby and I had the treat of listening to the woman in the next stall strip down and shoot up while her cart waited outside.
Back at the Museum we took in a Charlie Chaplain flick. The tiny theatre was cute with a fake little ticket booth. It is a good thing they only charge five cents to see his flicks because they are really quite boring! The kids were very concerned about why the sound in the theatre was not working. Ahh the innocence of our Disney fed children! Apparently when you go to a silent movie you are supposed to remain silent as well. Michael did not think that the folks around us much enjoyed my narration of the film. I choose to think that they were craning around to catch a glimpse of the starlet that the witty monologue was issuing forth from and that they simply all had to use the facilities in tandem.
In conclusion:
-Keep your earrings in.
-Control your longings for the fancy things in life.
-Swallow your pills.
-Apply early for Christmas work.
-Keep your mouth shut at silent films.
-Give meals not money.
-Skip School.
-Pretty Can't Hide Sketchy.

Sickness, Solitude and Sore Butt Syndrome

It sucks to be sick in a camper. I don't know about you, but when I am sick I just want to hide away all alone and wallow in my own filth. Usually I am not a fan of filth, but when I am sick I feel no desire to beautify. Sometimes a nice hot bath or can be soothing, but usually it just makes the fever worse, increases dizziness and then you stumble, fall backwards out of the tub, pull the shower curtain down knock the rod loose, crack your head on the porcelain thrown... I'm sure it has happened to everyone, right!? And then to make matters worse, when you are still reeling from the head hitting the toilet bit the rod comes down on you too.
I think the fever made me lose my train of thought there for a bit. As I was saying, for me, sickness craves solitude. Have you any idea how difficult it is to be solitary in a tiny space with five people in it? Does anyone have air miles burning a hole in their pocket and want to spend them on a nice little B&B in Victoria for me?
Michael ended up teaching by himself today. Poor guy! Although I got out of teaching today (read: was sent to bed for extreme grouchiness) my day was far from a walk in the park. I have an unusual symptom with this cold. My butt hurts. It really really hurts. It hurts in the bones! It hurts to sit, to lay on my back, to lean on it when laying on my side. What, pray tell is wrong with my butt?
Is it as my dad has said all along? Could it be? Say it ain't so! Am I a pain in the butt?

Job Opening- Start Immediately-No Pay-No Benefits!

So after nine days of home school, I have come to an important realization. It is a very good thing that I dropped out of University after a halfhearted attempt to become a teacher. I am a very good Hairstylist. Teacher...not so much.
Perhaps it comes from trying to teach my own children. Maybe I would do better with other people's children. This statement, although, raises the question: Who would want their children to be my guinea pigs?
People keep telling me that the first six weeks of home school are the hardest. SIX WEEKS! You have got to be kidding me! This is not going to get better for SIX WEEKS! The next person to tell me this MAY experience the violent side of Tina!
I wonder if it would be too disruptive for the kids to be enrolled in schools for two week time periods? Maybe.
All of these thoughts have led me to believe that it is time to post a job offer.
WANTED:
Person to Home School my Three Lovely Children
The successful applicant (hereafter known as Sucker) will:
- Be exceedingly patient. Sucker will not be prone to outbursts even after Sucker has said "The answer is "c". Say "c" and the child says "b".
-Be able to successfully school my three children in 3 hours or less every week day. Sucker will not come to me for help and will not need to assign homework because everything will be done in class. This frees up my afternoons to be able to have fun time with the kiddies.
-Not mind feeding the children their breakfast. This allows me to catch up on much needed sleep as I will be exhausted from all of the fun afternoons. Sucker will also provide a healthy and tasty lunch on days that end in "ay".
-Not live with us, travel with us, eat with us or interact much with us at all. Sucker will not be paid for this job but will do it willingly.
Interested applicants need not apply. You are hired! Just come and join us on the road and start your duties immediately...PLEASE!

Only In British Columbia

Strange things happen in BC. I don’t know if I should be shocked by this, but I kinda am. It started out in Penticton when I went to the hemp store. Now, any hemp store that I have been to in Saskatchewan just sells things made of hemp and they don’t do much talking about drugs. In BC, this is not the case. The store in question did not actually sell pot, but they gave a lot of lessons in its uses, paraphernalia, where to buy it, what grade of pot people have previously bought and the like. Unfortunately, when the lesson started and I realized what kind of store I was in, I was already naked…because I was trying on clothes in the change room… and could not beat an extremely hasty retreat. So, Abby got a bit of an education that day.

Yesterday, we went to White Rock. It is near Vancouver. It is a beautiful little city with a great wharf and pier and other nautical sounding things. It actually reminded me a whole lot of Puerto Vallarta. While we were there, we saw a dog in a snugly. You know…the little backpack deally for carrying babies in… but this one had a pampered pooch in it. Then we started down the pier and at the end of it found that a young boy had caught a shark with a fishing rod. He threw it back eventually but it did not look too healthy. I could not believe the amount of people that were still swimming with it right there in the water. It had taken a chunk out of the Grandpa’s hand, so maybe they thought it was full. We watched a number of people that were crab fishing and that was really cool till I got attacked by a spastic Chihuahua. I soooo wanted to kick it off the pier and let the shark have its way with it. But I exercised restraint. When we were driving away from White Rock we also saw a clown riding a Motorbike and a dog in a doggy wheelchair.

A few days ago we went to Port Roberts for our first foray into the states. While there, we were enthusiastically welcomed by a large group of home schoolers who were camping there to celebrate not going back to school. They mistakenly thought that we were camping with them. They were very very friendly and we kinda wished we were camping there. While at that beach, Abby got very excited because she thought that she could see a sea turtle. Then she decided it must be a dog. When Matt and I finally figured out what she was looking at we realized that it was a seal hanging out on the dock. My poor Saskatchewan baby…

But the icing on the BC weirdness cake has to be the group that we are currently camped beside in Langford on Vancouver Island. They are full timers and have been for the past two years. They have been sitting outside singing and playing original folk music for about three hours now. At one point we sent Matt out to play the tambourine with them. And by we, of course I mean I sent him out and my darling husband protested. It has now grown into a multi campsite, bilingual sing-a-long and as far as I can tell, they have spent a lot of time at the hemp store because they are singing the praises of various types of drugs very enthusiastically. Glory be…they went for more beer! What songs and stories will we be blessed with now? Fortunately there is only an hour and a half till quiet time! Maybe I will get up and sing some praise music in the morning before school!